Have you ever stood in the card aisle for hours trying to find that perfect thing to say to someone? I gave up on conventional cards a long time ago because they are never able to capture what I truly mean. You have your love cards, which if you have ever been in love, you know it’s not all “roses are red,” but more “blood is red.” You have your sympathy cards, which could never convey what you truly feel for somebody’s loss or they convey way more sympathy than you actually feel (just because you are nice doesn’t mean you really care). More important than what these cards lack though, is what cards that aisle is actually lacking. There are just certain occasions that might be made easier with a card. Here are some ideas I have. Hallmark, feel free to use any of these, I only charge $100 per character.
Cover Inside
| It’s not you, it’s me… | Actually, it is you. See you around. |
| My girlfriend is the hottest, funniest, and smartest person I know. | That’s why I am leaving you for her. It was fun while it lasted, cheers! |
| You know how when a cat brings you a dead mouse he is showing that he really loves you? | Well, I brought you herpes! Can you feel the love? |
| Dear Dad,To the man who taught me all about basketball and baseball… | I’m gay. How did you know I liked balls? |
| Dad,You always said the day you gave your daughter away would be the saddest day of your life. | Well now it can be happy because you get to gain a daughter that day too! |
| Congratulations on coming out! | Were you ever really in the closet? |
| We will miss you after 25 years! | And they said you’d never make parole! |
Autumn Siders 