Month: March 2017

Two Thumbs Up

I saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend for the sole fact that Belle was my first crush and I had to see how Emma Watson stacked up against my cartoon crush of childhood. (Yes, I was attracted to girls at the age of three. Baby, I was born this way.) Emma, you were better than I thought, but it seems nothing can compare with the animated beauty voiced by Paige O’Hara. Why am I still single? My standards are not too high.

Why, you ask, was Belle my first crush? (Fun fact: the original pink ranger was my second. To be honest, if I met Amy Jo Johnson today I’d run away with her. That is if Sara Bareilles says “no” first.) Back to Belle, the woman is perfect. She is a unique individual shunned by the town folk, she loves to read, she has a mind of her own, she is brave, she can sing, she is so beautiful that her name means “beauty,” and she has a strong compassion for animals. Maybe too strong, but I digress.

So, if you are thinking of boycotting the film because of the two-second scene where two men dance together, I would suggest you re-think. All in all, this remake was not too bad and there were no absolutely terrible singers cast just for star power. Amanda Bynes in Hairspray cough Russell Crowe in Les Misérables cough Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia. Also, nothing screams wholesome American values like kidnapping, bestiality, and misogyny.

The filmmakers even had the decency to do a shout-out to my blog. *Spoiler* Belle reads a passage from one of my favorite plays by Shakespeare and quotes the lines that are inspiration for the title of this blog. Bonus points if you know the play!

So, since my animated dream will never be true, you make decent runner up, Emma Watson. If Sara and Amy fall through, give me a call.

Lingers

Your scent lingers
in the car
on the bed
on my shirt
in my head.

Your memory burns
in my heart
of that day
the waves crash
the trees sway.

Your touch stays
on my skin
in my brain
leaving nerves
with your stain.

Your eyes hold
searing deep
into my soul
knowing well
what I stole.

Your heart breaks
thanks to me
the tears flow
the hatred fills
time to go.

Your ghost lingers
in the car
on the bed
in the dark
in my head.

© Autumn Siders 2017

For Profit

Last on the agenda,
let’s address world peace.
I’m not really for anything
that would make war cease.
Peace is not profitable
and my wallet must be lined
with dollars and corruption
and the greed of mankind.

You think you elected a leader
but my, how you are all blind;
I am a god in crappy vessel
leading the weak of mind.
Whatever I say must go
since we know I’d never lie
the truth from the Almighty
is cause enough to die.

© AUtumn Siders 2017

Box of Tissues

I met you
with a box of tissues
in the parking lot
just after midnight.

I’ll never forget
the tears that fell
landing on blacktop
and soaking into earth.

And the way you held tight
asking me never to let go
at least for tonight
to dry the tears that flow.

I’ll never forget what it was like
to hold you even for a moment
knowing that when the tears dry
I’d go back to living my lie.

© Autumn Siders 2017

Spring Ahead

Today time will spring ahead

leaving a whole hour in the dust.

That’s an hour I could have had in bed

to sleep and snooze as I must.

So now I must find a way instead

to rework my schedule and adjust.

I think I’ll spend the whole day in bed

sleeping through this distrust.

© Autumn and Emilita Siders 2017

Highway Hypnosis

I keep the car moving,

at least to put on a good show,

and hope that the brakes work

whenever I finally need to slow.

The rearview mirror is torn off

and white knuckles grip the wheel

hoping to make it just one more mile

before the belts start to squeal.

My foot presses down

and blurry images fill my sights.

I only hope I won’t miss the exit

driving with no headlights.

© Autumn Siders 2017

Tech Support

I am a 27-year-old American who lives with no cable or internet. I wouldn’t even own a smartphone if I didn’t need the camera to take pictures of my cat and bird, although I might need to hock it to afford healthcare. I still read paper books, write almost everything out by hand (sometimes with my quill), listen to vinyl, and have been known on occasion to write and read by lantern light. I also think a good old-fashioned barn raising would be just swell. As you can see, I am not the most technologically advanced member of my generation.

I do, however, write this fantastic blog on the interwebs. So I am now reaching out for help to anyone in the cyber world willing to lend a hand.

I recently installed Snapchat on my soon-to-be hocked phone. I personally have no interest in this app, but several friends use it and one finally encouraged me to join the club. She and her wife are expecting their first child soon and a part of me thought, maybe this is the only way I will be included in their secret club to see pictures of the newborn. The other part of me thought, oh, that’s a great excuse and I sound so human when I am really holding out for the pictures of their dog. After having the app for a week, the only feature I have mastered is the built in Shazam. Technology aside, my main concerns are focused on etiquette. Please help me address the do’s and don’ts of Snapchat etiquette.

  • What the hell do you “Snap?” Is it perfectly acceptable to take a picture of your grandma at her wake with dog ears?
  • If someone sends you something, is it necessary to reply? I know the app lets the sender know when it has been viewed, but that doesn’t exactly offer the personal touch that might be required. Like a thank you card. Or a fruit basket.
  • Okay, so we are replying. What precisely are we to reply? Do we one up their video of skydiving with a rainbow coming out of their mouth? Or do we just send an equally frightening video back giving a thumbs up with a halo and wings that turn to flame and horns?
  • Is it a faux pas to use the chat feature…to chat?
  • Who controls the Snapchat server? Where are my memories really being stored? Is this The Giver?
  • Is this the new way in which IMF contacts its agents? As always, should you or any of your team be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This snap will self-destruct within 24 hours.
  • Why a ghost?
  • Finally, how do I encourage my friends to send more animal snaps? Like maybe a dog with the dog ears filter.

Thank you all for the help and maybe some day I will venture into the land of the Instagram.