There was a spot in the sun
in which I used to sit,
but as the weather changes
I find that I do not fit.
I never used to worry at all
about my size and weight
but as my fur grows thicker,
those words, I really hate.
“Wow,” they say in awe,
“look at that big cat!”
So I say, “shut up, you dumbass!
This is all fluff and not fat!”
Have you ever kissed a frog? Been poisoned by an evil queen? Been made out of wood? Didn’t think so. Wouldn’t Disney movies be so much better if they tackled the important dilemmas at hand that we might be able to relate to?
Snow White and the Seven Daddies: While trying to escape the wrath of her angry pimp, Snow must also figure out who the daddy of her newborn baby is. With seven candidates to choose from, how will she ever figure it out especially when her baby won’t stop sneezing?
Beauty and the Breast: A young and beautiful bibliophile constantly rejects the advances of a manly hunter who wishes to marry her. She is able to avoid him further when her father is held hostage for trespassing and she offers to take his place. Initially the young beauty despises her diesel dyke captor, but the more she gets to know her, their love blossoms like a rose. And they U-Haul happily ever after.
Adult Toy Story: A young couple happily move into their new house. All is well until the young woman gets a new toy called Buzz. Their relationship quickly falls apart and the young man resorts to several acts of sabotage to get rid of the new toy in town.
This game of cat and mouse
has carried on far too long
and just when I think I am the cat,
you attack and prove me wrong.
I have been patiently waiting,
crouched and ready to pounce,
and I gave you more than I wanted
so that my very being, you denounce.
It’s not even a problem, being the mouse
if that’s the sacrifice I must make,
but knowing you are still a cat
is what makes my heart truly ache.
The blossoms outside my window
are beautiful indeed,
but my allergies soon make it
impossible to breathe.
You aren’t that different
from these adolescent flowers;
since being in your presence
is more unbearable by the hour.
Love can be so cruel.
A natural disaster
that leaves hearts in pain.
Sometimes you might want to give a card to a loved one just because. What better way to celebrate the upcoming season named after me and spread the love than with a few greeting cards ideas you won’t see from Hallmark?
You hold my place
in this crazy plot
with twists and turns;
I still know my spot.
It’s you who stands out
from top these tattered pages
to always mark my place
and free my mind from these cages.
I used to live in a place
where you had to be tough.
If you wanted to live,
you might have to get rough.
Who knew that one day
I was destined to meet
two humans who love me
especially when I bite their feet?
Until I went home with them,
I never really knew
how to love or be loved
but now I think I do.
They tell me all the time
that I am a family cat
and that my bird is for loving,
but I can always eat the rats.
So family it would seem
means exactly what I thought,
find two suckers who love you
and love them back a lot.
(Do I get a fish now?)
A lazy afternoon
with not a thing to do
and somehow I choose
to spend it with you.
At first it seems great
but I know how it ends
every time I get burned
yet you say we are friends.
Someday I might break
this dreadful bad habit
but until that day comes,
my heart, you’ll inhabit.
The words flow freely
whenever you are around
but without you here
I could live without a sound.
Whenever I am around you
I love the sound of my voice
and the words escape my heart
as if they’ve got no choice.
So why can’t I control this
since secrets are my friends?
How can I trust this feeling
when on you, my happiness depends?
Autumn Siders 