I don’t care how much you make
and I don’t care the level of fame.
I don’t care if you’re on the big screen
nor if you make millions playing a game.
So you wear a suit that’s a billion bucks
and everyone knows your name,
but those who are truly stars
are those who know nothing of fame.
They can only hold for so long
as the pressure mounts its war
and each and every time it seems
I am on the other side of the door.
The water trickles through
slowly at first; it is the calm before
whatever breaks through these gates
as only nature knows what’s in store.
The question then is quite simple,
do I run or do I stay and let
the water crash down and bury me?
But the answer is never that simple
and if I run I won’t drown yet,
but the inevitable can only be delayed.
I am always dissing online dating and harshly judging others who use this as a means to find “true” love. In an attempt to better myself and stop feeling these negative feelings, I delved into the world of online dating. I didn’t do this to find a date, but rather to find out what the big deal is exactly. I created several online profiles and while I didn’t divulge any personal information, I also didn’t lie about anything either. I draw the line at being a total creep, after all. Since I didn’t lie, I only experienced the sites as a woman seeking a woman, so I can’t vouch for how all of this works for those crazy heterosexuals and gay men. Here is what I learned in the process:
-Selfies are quite possibly the most unattractive way to put yourself out there. A lot of actually pretty ladies can turn into ducks like from that Twilight Zone episode.
-Putting up pictures of you with your more attractive friends, doesn’t help your case (also if I were your friend and found out that you put my picture up, I am pretty sure I would kill you.)
-A lot of people really do not know how to describe themselves…if you don’t know who you are, maybe this is why you don’t have a date.
-Contacting people and telling them you are doing research and you would like to talk tends to scare the ladies away.
-The ladies that do respond and have full blown conversations with you might have a screw or two loose. (Maybe I do too.)
-Many men think that they are exactly what a woman seeking a woman is looking for. They don’t even try to hide it.
-There are more people out there looking for threesomes than one could imagine.
-There must be some people who use these sites who are really dumb since one of the questions to match me to my mate was, “Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?” It then asks how important is your match’s answer?
-People are scared of being alone.
-A lot of people are looking for their sole mates. It must be time to settle down from those polygamous lifestyles and find the one.
-There are way too many creeps in comparison to people trying to find love. I am exhibit A.
-Online dating is definitely not for me.
My conclusions may have been drawn from my already negative feelings, but here are my final thoughts on the matter. I could never find someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with on a computer, but that doesn’t mean that someone else can’t. What it lacks for me, is an opportunity to see a person through my eyes, since you only see what they want you to see. Not all sites are created equal though, and if you find the right one, maybe you can take a chance and meet your soul/sole mate. One thing for sure though, it won’t be me.
*Thanks to all the anonymous ladies who did talk to me and did not call the police or report me. Sorry if I broke your hearts, but I don’t think I led anyone on too much.
I posted a nice list of things that I wished to accomplish for the new year and since most people give up on their resolutions after a week I thought I should assess my progress. After a month, here is where I stand.
-Get a haircut (Accomplished, but now I need one again)
-Read the dictionary (I did look up “williwaw” which can be quite helpful when watching the weather channel on mountainous coasts.)
-Adopt 5 more cats and one dog…pending Emilita’s approval (still pending approval)
-Lose 5 pounds of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle (I gained at least 2 pounds of muscle)
-Stop coughing (mostly accomplished)
-Move to someplace exotic like the Dead Sea (working on it)
-Perform an exorcism (haven’t found a demon yet)
-Earn enough money to donate to an animal shelter and pay the rent for the month (1 out of 2 wouldn’t be bad either) (I donated $3, does that count?)
-Travel to Australia to find myself a nice shelia (Let’s not talk about it)
-Find some type of food that doesn’t make me gag (does water count as a food?)
-Make my cat love me and not the treat bag (Judging by all the cuts on my hands and arms I am thinking I should give this one up for now)
-Make my clothing out of cat hair so I never have to worry about getting the cat hair off before I go places (I think with a few more washes, some of my clothes will actually be held together with cat hair, so that is pretty close)
-Buy my mom a secluded house on a remote island far from cigarettes, bratty kids, and noisy neighbors (donated the funds I had saved to the animal shelter)
-Find a way to break it to my mom that Emilita will not be joining her on said island (not applicable, see above)
-Finally, help achieve world peace (I do what I can)
Most days run together
only to be distinguished by
nuances that can be
deciphered only by the
altruistic individual who
yearns for something more.
All you see is cute ball of fur
who loves the sun and mice.
If only you knew that under
all that fur is not all that nice.
You think that all I need
is sleep and a fish or two
but behind these green eyes
a sadness breaks through.
There is more to being a cat
than could ever meet the eye
after all it’s hard to do much
when I sleep all the time.
With the face only a mother could love,
yet she chose not to spare an ounce,
you emerge from a dark and murky palace
and enter the light from which you hide
only to be welcomed to the world in callous
fashion, seeing as you are a beast after all.
The one thing you seek in all this madness
is not death, destruction, greed, or hatred,
but love is all you need and are never given;
so these people, who embrace the light of day
and get on their knees to pray, are forgiven
while the dark consumes their hearts, not yours.
My Fellow Americans! And those who follow me and are lucky not to have to go through an American style election! I feel like the campaign process in America could very well be described in similar detail to that of an old war diary. The conditions suck. You hear the same thing day in, day out. Someone is constantly under fire. And at the worst of times you pray for death. I have the absolute privilege of living in an area where it would appear as if Mr. Donald Trump is one of the greatest candidates there is and only Dr. Ben Carson could come close to having our town’s vote. I do hope you all note the sarcasm that fuels this paragraph.
With that being said, I have the luxury of seeing a Trump sign on just about every lawn and corner around here. While I am sure that he does not care what I think of his sign or slogan, I think it could use a little sprucing up so I am here to help, Mr. Trump. I know I am lacking in artistic design, so let me just offer you a few slogans that might better explain your campaign since the folks of my town think you just want to “Make America Great Again.” Was it great to begin with?
“Make Hatred Great Again”
“Be an Asshole”
“Heil Trump”
“Find a Scapegoat and You Never Have to Discuss Your Faults”
“You’re Fired”
“Ignorance is Bliss…Until I am President”
“My Word is as Good as My Hair”
I would hate to discriminate like Mr. Trump, so here are some slogans from the cutting room floor of other candidates:
Dr. Ben Carson (side note: if he get’s elected do we call him Dr. President?)
“Heal. Inspire. Revive. or push 2cc’s of epi and get a crash cart, stat!”
Hillary Clinton
“Not Monica for America”
Jeb Bush
“¡Jeb!”
Bernie Sanders
“Do You Hear the People Sing?”
Chris Christie
“Telling it Like I Think It Is”
Ted Cruz
“Setting the Promise for America on Fire”
Marco Rubio
“I Need to Become President or Trump Will Deport Family”
Time can play cruel tricks
on the weak and heavy mind;
trust your heart instead.
I am certain that I love you
more than you love me.
This will always be true;
here is why it must be:
No matter how much love
you think you have for me
I will always go above
so it’s time that you see
the last word will be mine
because you will always be
what my heart can only define
as my child, my cat, my baby.
Autumn Siders 