So my mom was just informing me that I should find myself a rich woman to take care of me and then we would never have to worry about money. My reply to this was, “I can’t find any woman, much less a rich one!” Now I am the last person who would ever use online dating or classifieds to find a partner, you can ask my friends if you don’t believe me, but I figured I would post a nice classified ad/online profile here. You see, my life is not that exciting, so I am here to show you all how to represent yourself in your profiles/ads without lying so that you can find your one true love. Or 5 new ex true loves.

SWF Seeks GF for the Zombie Apocalypse

Basic Information:

Occupation: Management (Never give away where you work, just make it sound important)

Age: 25 Quarter of a Century (makes you sound more mature)

Height: 5’4″ sometimes 5’6″ with that one pair of sneakers with really great arch support  5’4″

Wants Kids: To go away

Ethnicity:  Part German, Austrian, and Russian. White.

Religion: Doomsday Prepper

Drinks: water, milk, pop

Smokes: Bacon

About Me

I spend most days and nights at home with my mom, cat, and bird. I am very family oriented. I love to talk to the animals in my yard. I am quite the social butterfly. In my spare time I alphabetize my book shelves. I am a very organized individual. I am a very picky eater, so my diet consists of three dishes which I have perfected. While not a professional chef by any standards, I certainly know my way around a kitchen. I can and do read more than 3 books at a time. I am a great multitasker which comes in handy with my busy schedule. Writing a blog is one of my only ways of human communication. Skilled writer who has been been published and read in multiple countries. Waiting and preparing for the day that my skills will come to use when the dead rise and I will save the world. Insatiable dreamer who prepares for any situation.