When did the minivan
become a clown car?
This random thought
overtakes my mind
as I watch kid #10
pile out of the van,
screaming and running
through a parking lot
while their mom waddles out,
cigarette in mouth
and I try not to judge
as kid #3 pees
on a dying tree
but how odd I must be,
as I sit
quietly, alone, smokeless,
and of all things,
I pee indoors.
I try really hard
to ignore this feeling
but escape it futile
and my heart is reeling.
I try to sleep
and dream you away
but dreams of you
only ensure you stay.
I try to forget
the light that you create
as my savior from darkness
but it seems, this is fate.
Your wings flutter by
as I feel the gentle breeze
that touches my soul.
Empty words and broken promises
were the foundation on which we built,
aimlessly hoping for a mansion
instead of this crumbling mess of guilt.
Now, this abandoned construction site
contains the wreckage of our endeavor
and under the rubble piled high,
I know now, our love was not forever.
A silent blanket tucks the town in
as I am awakened by my gentle sin.
–
Feeling what I know to be true,
I welcome your love, and return it to you.
–
What I see in your eyes, is meant for me
and no one else can ever really see.
–
Lovers by night, we can never be free
yet our love will flourish into what never should be.
I see movement in the corner
and know the prey is mine.
Slinking along in the shadows
I silently bide my time.
The fluttering comes to a stop
and I know that time is now
so I jump with all my might
landing softly, yet with a pow!
In an instant I feel the pain
but a true warrior never can quit
a little sting never hurt anyone,
who am I kidding, it hurts like shit.
I hate how I cannot
wipe the smile off my face
since the simple thought of you
makes my heart begin to race.
How much I must appear
to be a fool at your mercy
when I know deep down
we two, can never be.
Your perfume lingers
in the far reaches
of my adolescent mind
and ever so often
your memory is refreshed
by a sudden whiff
from a passerby
and in that instant
I am back at my desk
scribbling my tiny words
as I furiously translate
only to find out
that their love burned
just hot enough to destroy
as she fell upon
the very sword he gave
to her.
The list before me:
seek knowledge, love, and be loved.
The purpose of life.
I don’t some warm milk
nor can I count sheep
since I am peacefully under
in your arms where I sleep.
Autumn Siders 