The community is in a sticky situation tonight after several break-ins have been reported. While there is cause for alarm, the authorities are saying that they are close to containing the culprit responsible for this. The pubic was first alerted of the rash after a thief was seen breaking into a car with his tool. Shortly thereafter, the owner of the car was the first to notice the situation.

“Well, I caught the guy in the act and he discharged his weapon at me so I ran back to the house. I knew something was not right,” says local Willy Peters.

More than 5 cars have been burgled in the neighborhood. Police Chief Dick Hed says, “I don’t know how long this guy thinks he can keep it up, but we will have him in handcuffs soon.”

The police department urges all residents to use protection, lock your cars, and keep your pants on at all times.

Among the items catalogued as stolen from neighborhood vehicles are antibiotics, condoms, anti-itch cream, and a pack of gum.

If you have any information please contact Penny Beaver at police dispatch 555-6969.

My local newspaper has the best editor in the world…NOT! Every week there is some new disaster with a  headline or perhaps typos on every page. The best is when they have to issue apologies for using the wrong name in an obituary. Our paper can not be the only one in the world that is in need of a new editor, so here is my request. If you find a funny headline or perhaps one with a typo that is too good to resist, send it to me and I will write an article that better fits the headline! If you find a good one, send it on to: butwiththemind@gmail.com.

Here is a nice headline that actually ran in our town’s paper about a year ago. Enjoy.

LOCAL FOOD PANTY RECEIVES MANY DONATIONS

The panty is filling up fast this holiday season as donations come in from all over. It seems the locals are always willing to lend a helping hand when it is needed most. Without the assistance of a loving community, the panty would remain empty leaving many hungry in unimaginable ways. This hairy situation is avoided at all costs as donations help shave the expenses of running this full-time service. Not everyone is allowed in the panty; those with the greatest need are served first which really helps them breathe easier. The panty would like to extend a warm thank you to all who donated their time, resources, and expertise. Without you, our panty would not be filled.