I try really hard
to ignore this feeling
but escape it futile
and my heart is reeling.
I try to sleep
and dream you away
but dreams of you
only ensure you stay.
I try to forget
the light that you create
as my savior from darkness
but it seems, this is fate.
Your perfume lingers
in the far reaches
of my adolescent mind
and ever so often
your memory is refreshed
by a sudden whiff
from a passerby
and in that instant
I am back at my desk
scribbling my tiny words
as I furiously translate
only to find out
that their love burned
just hot enough to destroy
as she fell upon
the very sword he gave
to her.
I got away with stealing
a heart you held so near,
always somehow believing
that we had nothing to fear.
–
I got away with lying
beside you all these years,
never really trying
always hiding from the mirror.
–
I got away with murder
when I finally saw the tears,
stating as they stained your face
that I no longer live here.
What I remembered most
were the times we fought
and decided that hatred
was easier sought.
Now, I can recall clearly
that not all the times were bad
and my time was wasted
by ever feeling sad.
The blood-orange moon
rises high in the sky behind me
as I glance in the rearview mirror
at an image the defines me.
My past cannot be undone
as it is always right behind me
and no matter how hard I run
the shadows still can find me.
An ominous melody begins to fill
the air that surrounds and binds me
as the moon watches down closely
always threatening to reveal me.
Picture the darkest corner
of the deepest cave
and that barely describes
the dark and heavy wave
that is crashing down
leaving no chance to save
me.
My dial-up internet
connects quicker, it’s true
than the connection that’s lost
between me and you.
My only mistake
was loving you
too much
and myself
too little.
I remember a time
with not a problem I couldn’t fix
with a little finesse, hard work
and duct tape all in the mix.
Now it seems even a fix
in most cases just won’t do
and by the time you give up
it’s too late to buy it new.
Every Thursday I reminisce
on all the life I miss
while I am stuck in my head
keeping my soul fed
and I know for sure
that being a connoisseur
of words and feelings
is by far more healing
than posting a photo
of me 30 pounds ago.
Autumn Siders 