Tag: #tbt

#tbt

I found a dedication,

made out to you,

from a book I had never finished,

in fact, not even begun.

I claimed to have missed you,

though I can’t imagine why

since all you ever did

was make your little sister cry.

© Autumn Siders 2016

#tbt

Two more days

until I see you again

and I just can’t wait

to see how you’ve been.

–

I think of all we can do

and how to spend the time with you.

–

How perfect it will all be;

I have waited so patiently.

–

Two more days

and I don’t have to see you anymore.

I just can’t wait

until you finally walk out the door.

© Autumn Siders 2011

#tbt

I am eleven and the sun is setting as I toss my raggedy old tennis ball at the side of the garage. I think.

I think about the roar of the crowd. I think about the smell of the grass. I think about playing baseball with a real baseball and having someone to catch and throw the ball back to me instead of using the side of a beat up garage. I think how great it would be to play for the Atlanta Braves. I think about all the reasons that I will forever be tomboy. I think of all the stereotypes there are for dykes. I think how much I hate stereotypes. I think of how I want nothing more than to be different. I think, how terrible it is to fit in and fill the shoes that have been set out for you by someone else. I think it’s better to be a straight tomboy than a gay stereotype. And then I think, damn, Michelle Rodríguez is hot.

I am eleven and the sun is setting as my raggedy old tennis ball bounces back into my crumbling black baseball glove. I think, and this is the problem.

#tbt

The past has a funny way

of becoming the future you never wanted

mainly because you tend to stay

stuck in the hell seared on your brain.

If only there were a way

to escape the prison you’ve created

then maybe I would be obliged to stay,

but your hell is not my future.

© Autumn Siders 2014

#tbt

In what little space remains

I squeeze the words necessary

to convey all that explains

but does not excuse my actions.

–

In what little time remains

I hope that your forgiveness

can find a way, not to agree,

but to accept what cannot be changed.

–

With what little hope remains

I hope that somehow you know

no matter what happens then or now,

a lot of love still remains.

© Autumn Siders 2014

#tbt

I can’t remember the last time

I looked at the cold night sky.

The way the stars stand so bright

and shed light upon your lie.

You told me once while apart

that the sky we both share

was a way to bring us closer

only it turns out you didn’t care.

Looking at the stars tonight

so still and always burning bright,

I wish I could take their place

to get such distance from your face.

© Autumn Siders 2009