The dead will rise
and hunt you down,
ripping you apart
until there is no sound.
Blood soaked ground
and empty swings
as the wind blows
between undead things.
Night soon falls,
let’s hope your eyes adjust
since in this world,
you never know who to trust.
Tag: zombies
I Had Yet Another Dream
My most recent dream was like most of my dreams. It involved zombies. Most nights as I slumber, my mind rushes to an apocalyptic world where the zombies roam free and I can save the world each night. As you might know from reading some earlier posts, I truly believe that if the apocalypse ever came our way that I would not only survive, but thrive.
This thought changed last night though when in my dream appeared a friend. Now this friend is terrified of any bug, butterflies included. She has come close to cutting her thumb off with a knife, twice in the same day, with the same knife. In my dream however, she was leading her own group of survivors and actually ended up saving me from near death. It is hard to think that I would need help in this world that I am seemingly prepared for and my friend who struggles to survive adulthood, (love ya, DOOBAH) in this parallel reality of my dream could be better than I.
With this in mind, I decided to come up with a list of ways that I would go down in the apocalypse so as to even better prepare myself.
-Starvation: The true challenge in any end of the world scenario is finding food and water. Being the picky eater that I am, my task would be twice as challenging. I better start expanding my horizons now, otherwise the only thing I will be eating in the end are brains.
-Clumsiness: While I will deny it to the end, my mother is right. I am clumsy. There are so many scenarios here to prepare for that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Number one on my list would be grabbing a zombie’s head from behind to stab my knife through and I end up stabbing my own hand as well. Maybe meditation will help.
-Blindness: Where do you find contacts in an apocalypse? What if your glasses break? It’s bad enough now I can’t see the clock in the middle of the night. Saving up for Lasik now could save my life later.
-Love for Weaponry: What if I find a beautifully crafted katana? What if Dean’s Colt 1911 .45 with custom engraving does exist? I can’t even bring myself to use the pocket knife that a friend (thanks, Indy) brought back from Toledo for me. If push comes to shove do I put myself before these great works of art? Hopefully I can just take care of the zombie with my bare hands.
-Love of Animals: This one gets me in real life and zombie apocalypses. I couldn’t hurt a lion if it meant life or death. But let’s face it, the lioness is probably more dangerous to me than the lazy man. Either way, if we are talking zombie dogs from Resident Evil or the bear in my back yard, I am a goner if they attack because I could never hurt them.
Back to School with Zombies
So it is that time of year when all the kids are going back to school. I, thankfully, never have to partake in this ritual ever again, but a lot of my friends are teachers so I figured I would make them a back-to-school supply list to help them get ready for the new year. The thing is, I have become just as obsessed with Fear the Walking Dead as I am with The Walking Dead, so I decided to include some items that may be more useful if you are attending the fictional Paul Williams High of Fear the Walking Dead.
*FEAR THE WALKING DEAD SPOILERS AHEAD*
*Don’t actually bring any of these to school*
-A pocket knife that wouldn’t even serve as a letter opener: Okay, maybe this should not be included on the list since you shouldn’t bring it to school and it also proves to be worthless in knife to mouth combat with an actual zombie.
-Plenty of Oxy: You never know when that junkie family member will go into withdrawal. It always happens at the most inopportune times like the start of the end of the world and the day of your algebra exam.
-Fire extinguisher: It is always best to be safe and what better way to practice fire safety in school. It also comes in handy when the previously mentioned knife does not.
–Call of the Wild: There is no better way to learn about survival than from Jack London. Not only is this a great book, but it can teach you that when people tell you not to go out into the cold on your own, you probably shouldn’t. Also when they tell you not to go into the zombie hoard, you probably shouldn’t. (*You can bring this one to school*)
-Sharpie markers: Markers are great for making posters for projects and labeling your binders. They also serve as a great way to make temporary tattoos that look like a game of snake. It’s a great way to remember your dying boyfriend. (*Hey, look at that, you can bring these to school too*)
-Crow Bar: These work best for breaking into the school’s drug cabinet as well as for breaking into zombie heads. That is, if you remember to pick it up after you open the cabinet.
-Brown bag lunch: Little known fact, but “school food is made to survive like a nuclear explosion. It’s good until like year 3000.” Whether going to school or setting off into the apocalypse it might be best to just bring your own lunch. (*Also safe to bring to school*)
-Camcorder: This way you can film your lessons. You will never have to take notes again. Also you can document the apocalypse as it happens, or at least capture police brutality on film. (*Check with your school policy before bringing this one*)
Zombie Apocalypse
If I could have one wish in this world it would be to have a zombie apocalypse. No lie here, this is not a joke. Since high school I have hoped with each world disaster that somehow the dead would rise and civilization as we know it would come to an end. Crazy, right? I can’t help feeling this way though. Here is my reasoning behind this. Real life is boring. So some people love action films and would love to be in high speed chases and run from explosions. My love for the living dead and all the foul aftermath that come with them is no different. Now I would never try to top Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide, but here are some tips to help you survive when the apocalypse arrives.
-Pick a weapon that you don’t need to reload. There is nothing worse than running out of bullets, arrows, pellets, or stones. Especially that last one, you could at least beat a zombie with an empty gun, but your slingshot probably won’t do much.
-Always have enough supplies to last you six months. I like to think of this in terms of how much you should have in your savings account, or how many tampons one should keep on hand. In a pinch, you’ll be glad you thought ahead.
-WATER!!! I know the world has come to an end and every night is a party for you, but even if you aren’t too drunk to function, you will eventually die from dehydration. Running from zombies will take a lot out of you although the staggering around like the drunkard you are may help you fit in with the living dead.
-Always have a buddy but never make a friend. This world is one where you won’t know who you can trust. You may want someone to watch your back so you can take a leak with some security, but you don’t want to be caught with your pants down. As selfish as it sounds, look out for numero uno only.
-Be prepared to say goodbye to loved ones. Once again, I know this is harsh, but we have to prepare for this in civilization as well. Most of the time in this world we don’t have to be the ones to do the deed though unless good old mom and pop have a really good insurance policy and it has to look like an accident. In zombie world though, you have to be ready to pop a cap in pop. Just think of your teenage years spent hating your parents and it should be easy.
And always remember, the great thing about failure in a zombie apocalypse is that the old adage holds quite true, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!”
Autumn Siders 