Tag: books

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 7

Thunderstruck on Fifth Avenue: A killer and the creator of long-distance radio both lurk within the ranks of high society. One “swan” knows who is who and blabs to her friend, an author who would do anything for a great story. Publishing the story may lead to the capture of an almost perfect killer, but what else is unleashed could be disastrous.

The Road to Other Words: Choosing to return to Great Britain and retrace his steps in order to see what has changed in the last twenty years, a travel writer sets off on foot, rail, and car. Unfortunately, he finds not much has so he decides to write his book in Italian hoping he has something interesting to say in a language he does not speak.

The Joy Luck Dante Club: A group of recent immigrants starts a club to eat dim sum, play mah jong, and forget about their troubles. All is going well until strange murders resembling the works of Dante Alighieri’s Inferno thrust the ladies into a dangerous mystery that could land them in one of the circles of hell.

The Walking Revenant: In 1823, a trapper is left for dead and robbed of his only means of protection. He decides he is going to seek revenge on those who wronged him and defies all odds to do so. After killing those who betrayed him, they too rise from the dead and he soon realizes the only way to achieve revenge is with head shots.

A Darker Shade of Lawyer: Working out of a customized magic jacket, a lawyer travels between different but parallel Londons where he offers his legal expertise to the underdog. All is going well in his career until he decides to represent a cross-dressing pickpocket with a foul mouth and dreams of becoming a pirate.

 

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 6: Political Edition

Hard Witches: An influential presidential candidate shares her perspective of her time as US Secretary of State and infuses it with the rich and terrible history of how witches used personal email servers when communing with the Devil.

Crippled Pacific: A wealthy businessman and contender in the race for president explains how not only is America crippled, but also the waters to her west. Exploring the watery history from the 1950’s forward, he proposes a way to rebuild the nation and the waters by building skyscrapers in the ocean.

Yes, A More Perfect Union, Please: A neurosurgeon turned politician explains the constitution while complaining how boring it is to write. Imagine how boring it must have been for the founding fathers…

The Essential Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up: A Vision for America: A senator from Vermont discusses his plan for tidying up America if he gets into the Oval Office. It includes a lot of feng shui.

The Mindfulness Immigration Wars Coloring Book: A former governor of Florida shares his ideas on immigration. The book comes complete with pictures to color as a way to de-stress from whatever infuriating statement of his that you have just read.

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 5

The Martian of Casterbridge: A drunk man sells his wife and daughter to NASA. The wife and the daughter are then left on Mars to fend for themselves while the drunk man sobers up and takes a mistress. Unfortunately for him, his wife and daughter make it back from Mars to complicate matters.

All the Light in the Garden of Good and Evil: While a man in the deep south stands trial for the murder of a male prostitute, he helps a blind girl hide a stone with magical powers from the Nazis. After being acquitted, he reaches his untimely demise when accidentally entering a minefield.

Practical Stiffs: A family of witches is cursed in love and shunned by the townsfolk so they set out to escape their magic by researching all the different ways dead bodies are used for science. All works out well until they accidentally bring one of the bodies back to life.

Alice’s Adventures in Fight Club: After a young girl follows a white rabbit down a hole, she finds a bottle saying “drink me.” She does so and discovers a secret club, but due to the rules, she can’t talk about it. She does however, decide never to follow a rabbit again.

Warm Help: A young girl falls in love with a zombie who kidnaps her. Really he was trying to save her though. The two return to her home and he tries to prove his worth to the living. He is constantly shunned and treated terribly by the living. With the help of his zombie friends and a few supporters among the living, he fights for his equality and forms unlikely bonds as well as makes pie out of brains to give to the people who mistreat him.

 

 

I am Looking for a Book…I Think it Had Words in It.

Want to have some fun with your local bookseller or librarian? Here are some surefire ways to make them laugh…or maybe chase you out of the store/library.

-Ask them if they have any books by Jane Eyre.

-Turn around all of the books in the mystery section so that you can’t read the spines. The mystery section is now a mystery section.

-Ask for a book that you don’t know the title of but you happen to know the color of the cover.

-Ask if they have any books by Oliver Twist.

-Ask if they have read every book in the store/library.

-Ask for a recommendation and when they ask what kind of book you like to read say, “oh, anything,” and then turn down every recommendation they give you.

-Ask if they have an autographed copy of the Bible.

-Tell them you have published a book similar to 50 Shade of Grey and you would like to have an event at the store/library complete with reenacted scenes from said book.

-Ask if they have a copy of Anti Gone by Syphocles.

-Ask where the children’s section is, find a book targeted for a very young audience, find the smallest chair or beanbag, sit and read for the whole day.

-Ask if they have any books by Robinson Crusoe.

-Re-arrange book titles to form clever sayings like, “To Kill A Mockingbird Hamlet Must Love Dogs” and “On My Side of the Mountain, The Devil in the White City Accused The Invisible Man In Cold Blood And The Mountains Echoed.”

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 4

My Sister’s Divine Comedy: After a couple has a child that needs a bone marrow donor, they decide to have another child in order to keep their first child alive while Virgil prepares to lead the couple to their very own level of Hell.

Devil in the Grey City: During the 1863 World’s Fair in Chicago, authorities believe they have a killer on the loose when they discover several dead bodies in a house until they realize all the victims are former lovers of Christian Grey.

A Discovery of Waldo: When a witch who has turned her back on magic accidentally discovers a long-lost manuscript that holds to the answers everyone seeks, she and a sexy vampire begin their journey to find the elusive Waldo.

The Girl with a Heart-Shaped Tattoo: A journalist sets off to investigate the disappearance of a young girl from a wealthy family and gets the help of a young hacker who just got a tattoo in the shape of a heart that comes with a ghost attached. Will they find the girl before the ghost finds them?

Go Set an Outlander: When a young woman returns to her small southern town to visit her ailing father, she accidently sends herself back in time to Scotland in 1743. Being from the south, she fits right in with the warring clans, deceit, and bloodshed.

What I’m Reading

So I have this problem; well some would say it’s a problem, some would say it’s ADD, but I say that it is just a way of life. I have a tendency to read more than one book at a time. Not like one in each hand, but at any given time I rest my bookmark(s) in at least 2 different books. At the moment I have been so busy that reading has taken a back burner, but this didn’t stop me from starting a few books over the past month that I just haven’t finished. So, for your amusement, here is a summary of all five books I am reading told as if they were all one.

In the land of Oz, a young girl is born different. Not only is her skin green, but as she gets older her family begins to realize that something is not quite right in her head. Or is it something more? As her fits of hysteria that parallel a text book demonic possession get worse, her younger sister becomes worried and is ends up feeling the backlash. In order to escape the situation, the girls’ father tells the youngest that the world has come to an end and they must leave to go live in the woods together. While her father is lying when he takes her, it turns out that a virus quickly spreads across the world causing anyone infected to become extremely fast, hard to kill, violent, and ready to bite you in a split second. The only two who can save the world are a special forces soldier and a lesbian homicide detective from L.A.

If any of this sounds interesting to you, you can pick up one or more of the following:

Wicked by Gregory Maguire

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul G. Tremblay

Our Endless Numbered Days by Claire Fuller

Remaining by D.J. Molles

Liberty Square by Katherine

 

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 3

Carrie Eyre: A young governess falls for the father of the children she teaches but is in for a rude awakening when his crazy wife drops pigs blood on her at prom which causes her to go crazy as well.

Harry Quixote: A young boy discovers he may have magical abilities and sets off to a school for wizards. On the way he battles windmills and falls for bar wenches that he sees as royalty. Or maybe that doesn’t happen, who knows?

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Dracula: A young girl vampire faces the usual struggles of growing up by dealing with friends, family, avoiding sunlight, eternal life, and that pesky problem of getting your period when you are a vampire.

Lolita’s Web: In order to protect her pedophilic stepfather, a young girl leaves messages as they travel around the country. The messages include, “Terrific,” “Humble,” “Radiant,” and “Some Pig.” The last of the words being the most truthful.

Tuck & Juliet: Two star-crossed lovers do their best to stay together when their warring families pull them apart. Being immortal, the boy thinks it best to fake their deaths, but doesn’t account for the fact that his love will actually die while he lives.

Bestseller Mash-Up Round 2

11/22/84: An English teacher from Maine must go back in time to prevent the assassination of Big Brother…who may or may not really exist.

Gone with the Hatchet: A young boy is stranded in the Confederate South during the Civil War with nothing but a hatchet given to him by his mother. He must learn how to survive with the daughter of a spoiled plantation owner and her drunkard husband who quite frankly don’t give a damn about him.

I Know Why the Lord of the Rings Sings: After inheriting a ring from his cousin, a young hobbit starts on a journey that leads him through prejudice, pain, and teen pregnancy, but that ultimately makes him the proud hobbit he is today.

The Great Time to Kill: When a young man goes on trial for the murder of his high society Long Island neighbor in 1922, the jury quickly finds him not guilty due to temporary insanity. Then again who wasn’t insane on Long Island in the 20’s?

The Road to My Side of the Mountain: After a devastating disaster has decimated most of humanity, a young boy runs away from civilization and fends for himself in the Catskill Mountains with only a falcon as a companion until they are eaten by cannibals.